Sometimes when you are at a crossroads in your life and you need to make a change so that your future is clearer, happier, more focused it can feel like your decision is on a borderline between a positive change and one which may cause indirect grief for you.
Secondary gains in avoiding an issue are more common than most people would care to admit. What I mean by secondary gain could be that by stopping a habit, or dealing with an issue which is detrimental to your emotional health, may in turn change a part of your life that you feel you will lose. For instance….You may have an issue with social anxiety that stops you mingling with crowds of people. It may sub consciously be beneficial to you to not deal with this issue, as you do not enjoy the company of your partners friends. Your issue, in fact, giving you the reason or excuse to not socialise with these people.
Personally i feel secondary gains can be as destructive as the issue itself. Ask yourself the question…”Would my life be better without my issue?” “What are the true gains from not dealing with it?” If you ask yourself these questions and the answers are admitting that you are using avoidance then maybe it is time to make that positive change.
Own your presenting issue. Deal with your presenting issue. Be free. Be happy.
Sending a huge hug and lots of love to you all. x