TURNING NEGATIVE STRESS INTO POSITIVE STRESS

How many times have you been in a situation where you have become so increasingly anxious about a situation that it has actually made you freeze frame and become incapable of finishing the task?  First of all, do not beat yourself up about this, its extremely common and exhibited by probably 90% of us.   Stress is the reason a lot of people procrastinate actions or possible solutions.  What if it doesn’t work?  What if i look stupid because I’ve done/said that?  It won’t work so, whats the point?

These constant internal arguments are so common, yet we rarely really look at what is happening.  As a solution focused motivational talking therapist I have used “flipping stress” as a great way to allow a client to see stress as a positive emotion, not a negative one.  If the stress is work related due to a presentation or organisation issue it is very effective in allowing the client to be more pro active and actually look forward to the task, which has previously filled them with dread.  Looking at the real trigger for your anxiety or stress is the starting point, and then i am able to see how that trigger can actually be used in the positive, not the negative.

If you feel like this is you and you are local to me, then please email me and book a session to get your stress in a rational part of your mindset.  Change your pattern of thinking and start to actually enjoy a little pressure, instead of feeling crushed by it.

 

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

Calmwavestherapy.com

Member of the hypnotherapy directory

 

 

 

MAKING THAT DECISION TO QUIT

How many times as a smoker have you woken up and decided today is the day to stop smoking, only to get an hour in and find yourself lighting up and forgetting your decision from the morning?  Question is…why did that even happen?  You had decided after all that today was the day!! so what exactly happened?

The basic answer to this is that you actually had no intention to stop that day, that your mind is still not in the appropriate stage to allow your body to refuse the cravings and need to smoke.  Having worked with a few smokers, the one part of the process is the real need to actually quit.  Saying “you know you should”, “my partner/family wants me too”, “its an expensive habit”, “I might give it a go”…..These are all reasons that the process of giving up smoking will not work!!!

Giving up is an absolute decision that runs through the core of the smoker, and is as strong as the desire to light up.  I have recently helped a gentlemen who smoked 40 a day for 40 years.  The decision to give up was not one he decided lightly, however, it was a decision that overwhelmed the desire to light up a cigarette, and this is the starting point on the road to quitting.  An absolute need to not smoke again. Realising and rationalising the reasons that you do not wish to smoke anymore is the self healing process of the client.  Looking into themselves and finding the answers to their own questions about why they should stop, is the most powerful part of the quitting process.

Stopping a habit is one of the most difficult mental processes a person may go through, and yet when the decision is made the most empowering feeling you may ever have.   So if you have asked yourself those important questions, answered them with positive reasons, and they are more powerful than your negative habit, then do it….Get it done…quit that habit!!!!

 

Much love

 

Please feel free to contact me or visit my website

CalmwavesTherapy.com

COMPOUNDING ISSUES

Hi good morning to you all… Its been a while.

I hope that you are all feeling healthy and happy.  I thought it might be a good idea to talk about compounding lots of little issues into one enormous volcano of emotional waiting to erupt.  Lets face it.. Tends to be at the wrong person and definitely at the wrong time.

I have recently been dealing with people who have come to me feeling like their anxiety and tension has gotten completely out of their control.  That they feel there is no way out.  No solution.  No future.  A lot of this comes from the fact that little issues, which if dealt with at the time, have grown in size and then attached themselves to another issue.  Compounding into something which seems completely out of control.  When a person ignores or avoids dealing with a small niggle or problem it starts to fester and then when something else happens or occurs, and it invariably does, the person then attaches the next issue, and somehow it becomes directly related to the first niggle.  But this is the problem right there.  Dealing with that niggle when it happened would of given a clearer view and clarity, so when anything else happens it is easier to see a resolution.

It is easy I know to say “deal with issues as they arise”, and i totally appreciate this cannot always be done immediately, but it is something that is essential for emotional wellbeing and continued growth.  When a person comes to me with a huge explosive issue, I like to find out what else is going on in their life.  What I have found is that the issue they presented to me is in fact not the biggest problem to the client.  If you like, it is like an aggressive spot.  The head of the spot (gross I know) is simply the last thing to topple the clients day to day emotional stability.  But if you look at the the reason the spot has occurred in the first place, it is because the underlying mess was not dealt with.  (ye i know using a spot is gross, but its a good way to think of an issue that comes to a head).

Give you yourself the open space to look at all components of your life and see where you can maybe start to clear the smaller issues.  I can say that I have found most people are clearer in what they need to do to find emotional wellness when they start dealing with everything individually.

Have an amazing day.  If something is bothering you.  Find someone you trust to talk to. Confide in.  Allow yourself to be free of those dark clouds that can define your day.  You deserve to be happy.

 

 

 

Defining your own day. Not letting others do it for you

Recently I have seen a few clients who’s main presenting issue after discussion of what they thought was their issue, was actually allowing other people to determine their mood.   It can be a tricky subject to talk about for some, as it can mean admitting and owning that they are more effected by others than they thought.  Of course, as a therapist I reassure them that allowing another to change your mood is fairly normal in day to day life.  But the trick is to learn how to build a shield around yourself and not allow that negativity into your own mind.

This may seem like a difficult task, but it really isn’t.  NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is a brilliant way to create visuals in your mind to extinguish negative feelings or counteract negative comments or situations.  I have used in therapy sessions many times and found it to be a useful tool.  Giving a client the empowerment back in their own mind, reactions and feelings is the reason I love doing what I do.  It truly is the core of my “being” as a therapist.  Putting NLP into hypnotherapy screeds creates a feeling of safety and regained power it can be hard to get by simply reading books or talking to peers alone.

Creating visuals will materialise a more positive energy from yourself to others.  You will gain more positive energy from those around you.  If anyone is being a drain and you feel exhausted after you have been around them, maybe it is the time to really analyse who you share time with.  Are they good for me?  Am I good for them?

Have a wonderful day and stay positive.  xx

CREATING THAT HEALTHY FOOD CHANGE AND KEEPING FOOD FUN

Well hello everyone.  Hope you all had an amazing christmas and that your new year absolutely rocked.  I had a quiet one, but it was equally enjoyable.

So how are you feeling?  Did you go into the new year with ideas of how you might want to tweak a few areas of your life.  Let me just start off by saying I am not a fan or would ever advocate yo yo or fad diets, its more about being more aware that you can have treats, but try and keep them to exactly that.  As I say to my children.  “chocolate is lovely and I want you to enjoy when you have, but its not a food group you need everyday”!!!!  Sugar is a hard addiction to break.

So If you feel like you want to lose those few extra boxes of quality street you consumed over christmas….don’t stress…… Just tell yourself that you are going to have as a treat only, and your brain will listen.  Re programme your mind to thinking about high fat treats as exactly that, just a treat.  Life is short, so you need to fill your life with all the things you love, that may include sweets and chocolate or maybe another calorific treat, but ultimately you don’t want to start feeling less energetic and lethargic because you are not taking in the healthy good stuff too.

If you feel you need some help, then I would happily help you get your mind into the zone of positive, non faddy changes that make you feel amazing. So what are you waiting for??

 

Have a wonderful day…. #keephappyandhealthy  #mindandbodyhealthy

Forget making resolutions. Just visualise what you want/need and go and get it!!

I love listening to friends telling me what they are going to do or stop doing in 2017.. the reason being because it can be quite amusing for us both when I raise my eyebrows and smile, because we both know what that look means….”You bloody said that last year” haha.  So….. what is the solution for this…. its simple, but takes practice…visualise  what you want your life to include, not include and start making those visuals in your mind.  Then materialise them.

If its to stop eating rubbish, non nourishing food this will definitely take some practice.  Come and see me, I will definitely help you reduce those negative calories and get your body and mind on the right track.  If its changing an emotional issue, then this is always going to be a big decision and you may or may not need some help getting that mind programmed for a positive change.  Whatever the change/alteration or deletion you need to make….Get on and make it….Use visualising how you see your life and the positive impact the changes you make will incur and start living your 2017 as you really need too.

 

Then you won’t get a friend “raising their eyebrows and giving you a smirk”….but indeed they will give you a massive high five and tell you how great your new year sounds….

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you want help in making those changes that will bring you more clarity, happiness, contentment and fulfilment.

 

Much love and keep smiling

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

Hi everyone….This is a simple message to wish you all a wonderful christmas.

Hope the day is full of happy memories, wonderful food, good company and lots of laughter.  If you get some great gifts then thats wonderful… but I hope more, the day is full of amazing moments you can cherish.

 

All my love to you all.  A super tight hug and a peck on the cheek to you all. xxx

 

Merry Christmas  to you all. xx

ONE WEEK TO GO………don’t panic!!

So………its nearly here then!!!   More to the point how the heck are you coping?

Im feeling ok.  I haven’t officially finished, but the way I am looking at this build up to the big day, and the inevitable christmas gift shop is this…..if I don’t have in time, or its not delivered in time, then they get in January.

There is literally no point on any level in panicking or getting yourself into such an emotional state that Christmas has become as stressful as moving house!!! What the hell would you get yourself in that state for.  After all, Christmas is meant to be fun!!!  There is no fun in getting “hives” because you have got yourself into a state of breaking point anxiety over ONE day!!!!……

So PLEASE…… Take a breath!!  If you haven’t quite finished, and indeed, run out of time because of work or family commitments, then don’t beat yourself up.  Your family want you healthy and happy, and do not want you in bed with a migraine or some other stress related condition on Christmas Day.  Allow yourself the best Christmas present you can have….. A calm relaxed Christmas Day, surrounded by the people who matter to you, and more importantly, who absolutely love and need you.  Hopefully, even minus a few gifts you didn’t get round to buying 😉

OVERCOMING MENTAL BLOCKS

When we think of a mental block we may think of a writer or someone who uses written language in everyday work.   However, as a therapist we see lots of different versions of mental blocks.  Some people wake up everyday with a barrier that they have created themselves.  It could be anything from only shopping in one place, right through to a mental block that radically changes your day to day life.  A mental block that stops us achieving is one of the hardest things sometimes to admit or to conquer.

People live for tens of years with an issue that they have come to think of as “part of them”, and yet, the issue structures their day in a negative way.  Living with something that, in their opinion, “can’t be sorted out” or “I tried 10 years ago and I still do it”… These are the challenges that face therapists everyday, when the person living with the mental block finally decides that they need some help.  Asking for the help can often be the biggest hurdle.  But once the mind has been opened up to the idea that they can free themselves, then 50% of the issue has already been resolved.  The other 50% with guidance and support can be overcome.

So what is your mental block?  What stops you from doing a certain thing?  Or in fact defines who you are, and how you are known to friends and family?

 

Free yourself from anything that holds you back.  Achieving the goal of release from habitual or restricting behaviour is only a call/text/email or shout away.

 

 

SEEING SOMEONE FOR WHO THEY ARE. NOT WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE

How many times have people been in relationships and had those moments where they say to themselves “I really wish they were taller” or “I really wish he was more cheerful”!!!  So whats the solution?  So many people think that they can change or tweak their respective partners, but why.  Surely if you have got to the stage where you are living with them, married to them, or maybe serious about the previous two, then you have already seen them for what they are and how they look.

So why do we feel like we should change someone?  This is probably a question that will never be truly answered by any of us.  Wanting someone to be different in a dramatic way tends to really be about the fact that you may have changed as a person.  Why do they need to change?  Maybe you have grown as a person, and in fact become bored or complacent about the relationship you are in.  So what now?  What is the next step?

Do you end your relationship without finding the root cause?  Do you go and see a therapist  to talk through your concerns and issues?  What is the real answer?  Well the answer to that is that it is completely different for every individual.  Every individual needs to look at their own life, personality, goals and needs and decide if the reason they are criticising their partner is because they need to deal with issues within themselves.  Being honest and true to yourself about what is bothering you, is the first step in making a positive informed choice about what you truly need and want from your life.

Knee jerk separations may be common, but looking at the issue and trying to resolve it is not.