Author: calmwavestherapy

How many times have people been in relationships and had those moments where they say to themselves “I really wish they were taller” or “I really wish he was more cheerful”!!!  So whats the solution?  So many people think that they can change or tweak their respective partners, but why.  Surely if you have got to the stage where you are living with them, married to them, or maybe serious about the previous two, then you have already seen them for what they are and how they look.

So why do we feel like we should change someone?  This is probably a question that will never be truly answered by any of us.  Wanting someone to be different in a dramatic way tends to really be about the fact that you may have changed as a person.  Why do they need to change?  Maybe you have grown as a person, and in fact become bored or complacent about the relationship you are in.  So what now?  What is the next step?

Do you end your relationship without finding the root cause?  Do you go and see a therapist  to talk through your concerns and issues?  What is the real answer?  Well the answer to that is that it is completely different for every individual.  Every individual needs to look at their own life, personality, goals and needs and decide if the reason they are criticising their partner is because they need to deal with issues within themselves.  Being honest and true to yourself about what is bothering you, is the first step in making a positive informed choice about what you truly need and want from your life.

Knee jerk separations may be common, but looking at the issue and trying to resolve it is not.

Sometimes when you are at a crossroads in your life and you need to make a change so that your future is clearer, happier, more focused it can feel like your decision is on a borderline between a positive change and one which may cause indirect grief for you.

Secondary gains in avoiding an issue are more common than most people would care to admit.  What I mean by secondary gain could be that by stopping a habit, or dealing with an issue which is detrimental to your emotional health, may in turn change a part of your life that you feel you will lose.  For instance….You may have an issue with social anxiety that stops you mingling with crowds of people.  It may sub consciously be beneficial to you to not deal with this issue, as you do not enjoy the company of your partners friends.  Your issue, in fact, giving you the reason or excuse to not socialise with these people.

Personally i feel secondary gains can be as destructive as the issue itself.  Ask yourself the question…”Would my life be better without my issue?”  “What are the true gains from not dealing with it?”  If you ask yourself these questions and the answers are admitting that you are using avoidance then maybe it is time to make that positive change.

Own your presenting issue.  Deal with your presenting issue.  Be free. Be happy.

Sending a huge hug and lots of love to you all. x

How many of us have pondered and procrastinated an issue so hard that it seems there is no resolution or end to the problem.  It can sometimes be hard to face an issue for many reasons.  Sometimes the fear of facing it is so much worse than the issue itself.  Yet we leave problems, issues, anxieties until they become all encompassing in our everyday existence.

Finding resolution to a problem or a presenting issue is the most amazing feeling to an individual.  Finding clarity in what seems like a fog enveloping your thoughts lifts the soul, your spirits, everything that you have buried for so long that made you truly happy.  If you feel like you are allowing an issue to hold you back, be brave, face it.  Being strong and seeing that your life will be better after you have dealt with it will give you such a clear mind in your day to day living.

So go on…..what are you waiting for??? Find that resolution.  Find someone if you need to  help you get that resolution.  Be happy. Free free from emotional restraints. See clearer.

Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone

Have you ever been in that situation where you have maybe said something or done something which has ultimately caused another person upset or sadness.  Im pretty sure at some point we have all done this.  So tell me….Were you able to say “sorry?”!!!!

Sorry can be one of the most difficult words to say. Whether its a partner, family, friend, lover, ex partner, it is a word that can create feelings of doubt in your own personal strength.  This really is the exact opposite of what people should think.  Sorry shows great emotional strength and resilience.  The word does not need to get stuck in your throat.  Let this word out, if you need too.  The feeling of healing and calm you will get from releasing the tension attached to this word, for whatever reason is mind blowing.

So today, if you feel like you need to say sorry, then say it with an open heart, an open mind. Heal any rifts you may need to and be happy.  The person will appreciate the “sorry” even if they do not say to immediately after you have said it.

Smile and be happy.  Self heal and move on.  Don’t hold grudges, they are toxic and emotionally harmful.  Be free.

Have you ever woken up in one of those moods where everything seems wrong?  You woke up 10 minutes later than you wanted too….You had enough milk for a cup of tea but not enough for breakfast cereal….a meeting has been cancelled or delayed and you were psyched up ready…..a friend has sent a text telling you how great her new fella is….!!!  Isn’t it funny how we allow things to define our mood.

95% of our lives is out of our control, but the 5% we are in control of gives us great power.  You can not stop someone saying something unpleasant, but the power you have is how you react to that comment.  Not immediately flying at the person in temper or confrontation will defuse the situation, and more importantly not give away any of your energy.  Let them rant and rave…Just look at them, keep calm, answer calmly and walk away.  Getting into screaming matches or being aggressive will never resolve a situation.  That moment of satisfaction you feel is probably very enjoyable, but it is short lived.  Staying calm and not allowing that event to define your mood or your day is where the real power lies.

Instead of spending all day thinking about what did not go exactly to plan and using precious emotional energy, think about what has been a success and allow yourself to feel proud that through all the silly nonsense that started your day, that you took back total control and made your day great!!

Have a brilliant day….

It would be naive to think that even with a calm,  honest, forward thinking, positive attitude that you will never encounter a situation when you may cause hurt to another.  Lets face it, unless you are that type of individual, no-one knowingly goes out to hurt another persons feelings.  I know I certainly don’t.

Putting your own feelings and needs before another is seen as selfish, even mean….but why is it?  As we grow we are taught important lessons.  Being respectful, thus receiving respect back.  Enjoying your life, and should something cause you unhappiness or emotional disruption, then free yourself from it.  Being Happy, and putting yourself first sometimes.  Yet, when a relationship, whether that be friendship or partner ends it is seen as one or the other is being unfair, unreasonable and unkind.

We are taught to be strong and yet sometimes demonised for being honest and openly saying….”This doesn’t feel right anymore, I need to end this”….

Guilt is a huge vacuous chasm that will only drain you of positive energy and self esteem.  Don’t be drawn into low mood because the choice you have made has not suited another.  If you aren’t happy, how can everyone around you be happy??

How many of us have seen things in our life which may seem to be positive or a gain, but in fact could be draining energy and spirit away from us.  Putting yourself first is a trick to making sure you are a positive energy that others wish to be around.   Lets face it, if you have a friend who moans the whole time, whinges about their life, is nasty about others or joint friends,…..ask yourself “do I feel good after being around them?”  Im guessing if you were honest you would say no.  Whereas, having friends which uplift you, make you smile, give out positive energy.  “Man” those people are like a glass of fresh orange juice….really good for you!!!

I am a firm believer in positivity, clarity, pro-active behaviour, calm, non-judgement, happy outlook etc……but sometimes we need to really look at our lives and the dynamic environment around that and decide if thats really what we need.  Seeing your life honestly is the first part in healing any issues that may hold you back.  Seeing your life for what it is, but also, what it could be is a huge step forward in reprogramming your brain to become more positive, clear and most importantly calm.

HAVE AN AWESOME DAY. SMILE. GIGGLE. SPREAD POSITIVE VIBES AND YOU WILL GET IT BACK IN ABUNDANCE.

Hi everyone…

Well sorry for the lack of blogging, but unfortunately I have been a little unwell so I have been recovering physically and mentally.

Illness is one of those things that is more or less inevitable for everyone at one point or another, but I guess the trick is to try and see past the time you feel ill and look at what you have to look forward too.  Don’t get me wrong I am far from flippant about how one feels during illness.  I am definitely aware that depending on the condition,  keeping a strong mental focus on not allowing it to let you slip too low is difficult at times.  I won’t bore you with the details of why I was under the weather as Im sure the details may make you feel a little nausea..  ;)……..

During feeling unwell I made myself sit and think of when it would pass and I could function day to day without feeling rubbish.  I made myself not dwell and feel sorry for myself,  (i’ll leave that to my mum)!!!!!….I decided that I could be completely enveloped physically and emotionally, or I could say out loud to myself everyday

“not long Sarah and you will be 100% again”  Telling myself this gave me strength and kept my mind rational and objective…..  I can’t tell how good it feels to be feeling human again.

So!!!!! how do you feel?  I certainly hope you have been well and life has not been throwing too many curve balls to knock you off balance.

HAVE THE MOST AMAZING DAY… MUCH LOVE SARAH

So how are you feeling about heading to 2017?  Does it fill you with excitement? New opportunities?  New investments? Financially and emotionally?

Is 2017 going to be the year you say to yourself “right, I am going to get my  backside into gear and actually do what Ive been planning for so long”….. Is that it?  Only you can make the change you need to get your life in a place you are happier with.

Being happy and content is a state of mind.  If you really want to change something, then it really is only you can that make that change.  Id say 100% of us have our 2017 goal as being happier and content.  Who wouldn’t?  If thats the case, then just do it.  Change those ideas in your head into reality and start actually living your own life…..

Well hello to you all.  What a few days this has been.  Ive met some awesome people over the last few days and its been great to talk and chat things through.  Giving clarity to someone who is feeling their lines are all a little blurred is the reason I love what I do.  I was talking to a friend about her smoking.  She became a friend via working in a shop I go to.  Lovely woman, but sadly totally addicted to cigarettes.  I think with her impending marriage she has decided it is time to make that change.  Did you know….Prince Harry used Hypnotherapy to help him quit smoking.  It totally worked and now he is healthier than he has ever been.  Breaking out of that cage of addiction is a massive step forward in how you see your life, goals, achievements.  If you can give up such a strong addiction, I’m pretty sure life can throw you some massive curve balls, and you are all over it like a rash.

So how do you feel today?  Whats griping you?   Whats sitting in the back of your head saying….You hoo!!!!! Don’t forget how annoying I am today!!!!!!  Ye ye we know…

It feels horrible when something is in your head holding you back and not letting you just feel happy and calm.  If you feel like this, then get it sorted.  Or at least give talking therapy a shot.  It might be just the tonic you need!!!

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY… BECAUSE YOU ARE AMAZING…AND YOU DESERVE IT!!!!